Taoism: "if you understand shit, it isn't shit"

Hinduism: "This shit has happened before"

     Confucionism: "Confucius says: 'Shit happens' "

     Buddhism: "shit will happen to you again"

     Zen: "What is the sound of shit happening?"
     
     Islam: "If shit happens, it is the will of Allah"

Sikhism: "leave our shit alone"

Jehova's Witness: "knock knock, shit happens"

Atheism: "I don't believe this shit"

Agnosticism:  "can you prove that shit happens?"

     Protestantism: "shit happens, amen to that"

     Catholicism: "If shit happens, you deserve it"

     Judaism: "Why does shit always happen to us?"

Orthodox Judaism: "So shit happens already"

Televangelism: "send money or shit will happen to you"

Rastafarianism:  "let's smoke this shit"

Hare Krishna: "shit happnes rama rama"

Nation Of Islam: "don't take no shit"

New Age:  "visualise shit happening"

Shintoism:  "you inherit the shit of your ancestors"

Hedonism:  "I love it when shit happens"

Satanism:  "sneppah tihs"

Capitalism: "this is MY shit"

Feminism:  "men are shit"

Existentialism:  "what is shit, anyway?"

Scientology:  "if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137"

Mormonism:  "excrement happens" (don't say shit)

Baptism:  "we'll wash the shit right off you"

Mysticism:  "this is really weird shit"

Voodoo:  "shit doesn't just happen - we make it happen"

Wicca:  "you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times"

Disneyism:  "bad shit doesn't happen here"

Communism:  "lets share the shit"

Marxism:  "you have nothing to lose by your shit"

Conspiracy Theorism:  "THEY shit on us!"

Psycho-Analysis:  "tell me about your shit"

Darwinism:  "survival of the shittiest"

Amish:  "modern shit is useless"

Suicidal:  "Ive had enough of this shit"

Optimism:  "shit won't happen to me"

Trekism:  "to boldly shit where no-one has shit before"

Shakespearean:  "to shit or not to shit, that is the question"

Descartes:  "I shit therefore I am"

Freud:  "this is a phallic symbol"

Lawyers:  "for enough money, I can get you out of shit"

Acupuncturist:  "hold still or this will hurt like shit"

Dog:  "I just shit in your shoes"

Cat:  "dogs are shit"

Mouse:  "oh shit! a cat!"

Politically Correct:  "internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens"

Einstein:  "shit is relative"

Family Gathering:  "relatives are shit"

Materialism:  "whoever dies witht he most shit, wins"

Vegetarianism:  "if it happens to shit, don't eat it"

Fatalism:  "oh shit, it's going to happen"

Environmentalism:  "shit is biodegradable"

Americanism:  "who gives a shit?"

Statistician:  "shit is 84.7% likey to happen"

Hip-Hop:  "motherfuck this shiznit, beeatch!"

Tantrism:  "fuck this shit"

Cynicism:  "we are all full of shit"

Surrealism:  "fish happens"